Thursday, January 27, 2011

10 Chicks You Don't Want to Be

Recently, I made a list of 10 Dudes to Avoid Like the Plague, and it got me thinking about their female counterparts.  So I’ve compiled and created a new list of the 10 girls you should never want to be:

Bride to be Bethany—There’s nothing wrong with a woman who wants to be married; unless she wants to be married for all the wrong reasons.  Bethany is one of those women who fall into the category of ‘all the wrong reasons’ because she’s only in it for the marriage itself.  Bethany wants to get married just for the purposes of having her dream wedding, dream dress, etc.  She may think she’s searching for love, but in reality, she’s just searching for someone to play ‘House’ with for the rest of her life.

Gia the Gold Digger—If you’re friends with Gia, then it comes as no surprise that this girl is probably the most shallow of them all.  Gia is content with being a piece of arm candy as long as her Significant Other continues to buy her expensive things.  Like a vampire, once Gia has sucked her sugar daddy’s bank account dry, she’ll be on to her next vict—I mean, boyfriend.

Velcro Val—Clinginess can be seen as an art form where Val is concerned.  When Val wakes up in the morning the first thing she grabs is her phone to a) check for any missed calls or texts from her honey and b)send her honey a good morning text.  For the remainder of her day, Val will most likely be conjoined with her boyfriend at the hip.  Essentially, this woman eases to exist when there isn’t anyone to cling to.

Queen Bee Bianca—Bianca believes that she is entitled to everything her heart desires, and if the people around her satisfy those desires I can assure there will be hell to pay.  Bianca is a beautiful girl, and typically, it’s that same beauty that has ruined her.  As a young girl, Bianca realized the power of her pretty face and has allowed that power to corrupt her.  But just remember, all the beauty in the world can’t account for a deficit in personality.

Diane the Desperate—Cousins with Val, Diane is so desperate she’d go home with Screech if she met him at a bar.  For whatever reason, Diane believes that she has no other choices in men and must take anything that comes her way.

Insecure Iris—If you tell Iris how pretty she is 3,000 times a day and ensure without a shadow of a doubt you aren’t cheating on her, everything with be kosher.  If she loses track of you for more than thirty minutes, however, you will have one pissed off chick on your hands.

Cheating Cathy—Pretty self-explanatory, no one wants to associate with a girl who opens her legs for someone other than her boyfriend.

Green Eyed Gemma—Gemma is the jealous type, plain and simple.  As long as her boyfriend never speaks, interacts with or acknowledges another girl, she is perfectly content.  But the second she begins to doubt his fidelity, Gemma will be all over him like white on rice.

Paige the Party Girl—Party girls are fun, yes, but they also get themselves into compromising positions quite frequently.  They sometimes get so drunk that they black out, and are then left to piece together what happened the night before.  Not to mention the hundreds of risqué Facebook pictures Paige must un-tag herself in.

Mother Goose—All the Baby Brians of the world will flock to Mother Goose because she loves having someone to take care of.  She doesn’t want children of her own yet, so she’ll settle with babying her man.

Weeping Willow—Tears are Willow’s favorite weapon, and she’ll use them anytime she needs to get what she wants. 

Chances are that while you were reading through this article you found similarities between yourself and some of the women I mentioned.  Honestly, I can find myself in more than one of them.  Like Weeping Willow, I sometimes catch myself crying in order to get my way and have my moments of insecurities like Iris, but I’m still a great girl.  We’ve all got our faults, but the trick is to refuse to allow those stereotypes define who we are.

What about you, lovely lady?  Can you find yourself in any of these chicks?

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