Saturday, April 9, 2011

CBS--Chronic B**** Syndrome

In the world of made-up social illnesses, I'm most definitely a sufferer of Chronic Bitch Syndrome--CBS for short.  What is CBS, you ask?  Quite simply, it's a social disease where a woman exhibits excessive amounts of bitchiness.  By this point you may be wondering if you may be a victim of this vicious disease as well.  Never fear, for I have compiled a list of the 3 tell-tale CBS symptoms.

1. Failure to give a shit.  Do you find yourself constantly bothered by the amount of bullshit you’ve got to put up with everyday?  Co-workers always bitching about problems you really couldn’t care less about?  If you answered yes to either of these questions, you could indeed be suffering from CBS.

2. All your sentences are dripping with sarcasm.  Not only do they expect you to give a shit, they also expect you to offer advice.  If you find yourself telling your co-worker in a not so nice voice that you’d love to hear about her painfully dull sex life—or lack thereof—all the while imagining what it would be like to stab her in the eye, then you may have CBS.

3. Chronic Bitchface.  Yeah, this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Sadly, there is no cure for Chronic Bitch Syndrome.  The good news, however, is that if you suffer from CBS you probably can’t be bothered to give a shit about it either.

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